Sample Pages of Relief
Allowing the pain
of wrong choices
C H A P T E R 7
ALLOWING THE PAIN OF
Tower of Conviction 10: We will allow our child to
experience the pain of his or her own wrong choices.
In many instances, stubbornly defiant teenagers do the wrong and their parents wear the pain. What an awful way for parents to be treated! Their hearts are being broken by their children's disregard for them. They are being traumatized by seeing their kids make giant mistakes. And on top of it all--wounded and grieving as they are--they drag themselves up to stand in front of their children to try to shield them from the pain their kids are causing themselves. These are abused parents!
Such an arrangement is destructive to both parents and children. Parents are afflicted with pain they don't deserve while their kids are allowed to escape the pressure they truly need, the pain naturally caused by their own wrong choices.
The painful consequences of wrong choices are supposed to pressure offending children into realizing the wrongness of their wrongs so they will finally understand that they need to return to doing what's right. Instead of that desirable outcome happening, parents often shield misbehaving teenagers from the pressure.
Parent abuse catches parents by surprise.
The problem is that parents are suddenly being forced to perform in an area they've never experienced before. Their kids were so neat only a couple of years ago; they just didn't know to prepare for what they are facing now.
These parents usually react the only way they know to react. They try to protect their children from being hurt, just as they always have. They use their wits and influence to get the kids out of trouble, and they do it as a natural reflex.
But your reflexes have to be retrained. What worked before doesn't work now that your child has begun...
to be secretive
to avoid you
Other topics in this chapter include...
Tower of Conviction 10 is the toughest of all to erect.
You have to become convinced of Tower of Conviction 10,
or you will let it crumble.
Sometimes self-concerned kids set up parents
in "the grandparents' trap."
You should take a stand as early as possible.
Watch out for inflicting superguilt!
You need to learn a new reflex.
Think about the role of pain in your own life.
Don't get in the way after you pray.
Don't short-circuit nature's way of requesting a course correction.
But always be fair.
You need balance in parenting.